The Truth About Asking For Help!

Maybe it’s just me, but it’s so hard for me to ask for help. Have you ever had a tough time asking for help? Like the problem is stressful but asking is just the nail in the coffin. You should not be embarrassed or ashamed. More importantly, be honest with yourself.

I found myself struggling a few weeks ago. It reminded me how easy it is to slip back into bad habits. It reminded how even when you overcome problems they will resurface, except stronger. I thought I had conquered this battle with asking for 

There is a lot of work that goes into living. You have to  work your job & provide. Work to find the time to fulfill your dreams. You have to be, learn, support. Fail, win, grow. A lot of everything. And sometimes it feels overwhelming. Ya know?

As an artist, trying to create can be difficult. It’s a mixture of everything and I was stuck. Not just stuck in music but it felt like stuck in life. And to make matters worse, shit just kept getting worse. Already stuck the internet gets disconnected while I’m working. Stopping all progress & momentum and all of my fight to continue. 

As it shut off, so did I. 

I had no money. All my savings, time, and energy were tied into building my dreams & foundation. It’s one thing to work day & night. To fight all kinds of demons and problems. To be your generator on never giving up. To try to Alway staying in motion & keep my momentum.  on this day, I couldn’t take anymore. 

Imagine knowing you have no money coming in and bills coming up. Clearly you’re behind, the internet being cut off wasn’t even the first warning.

My mind began to spiral. Digging me deeper and deeper into inadequacy. Into doubt. 

I knew for a fact I had no money coming in and other bills coming up. I knew I was going to have to (gasp) ask for help!

And a knot clinched tightly in my stomach and my mind began to race.

Speeding through all kinds of pressures and stresses. Passing and clouding my light, my vision, with each curve of negativity and fear coming with each thought.  

The thing about your mind is it’s a gateway to your past, present, and future. And as much as you may believe you are in control at all times, you probably aren’t. It’s powerful. It’s meant to help you forward. But, without training, it will run wild and try to find causation, resorting back to your previous experiences for guidance. Good or bad.  

Let me be clear, don’t let your mind control you if it’s not helping you. Don’t let it make issues harder or worse. It’s your ticket out. The more you train, the better you can you it and be.

And I knew that. I knew the fear and shame I felt, simply for asking, was false. It was the wrong path for my mind to take and was adding to the anxiety and pressure I was filling. I was allowing old experiences to cause new anxiety. 

In my experience with asking for help, I’m usually feeling shitty afterwards. Like I should have done it myself. I’m typically met with a “I thought you already it had it,” response. 

Or with one no and two dozen blank suggestions of “their” ideas and suggestions they never follow. 

Asking for help sometimes reminds me that the people I’ve been around feel like they don’t have much to give & must cling to what they have. 

So I decided & learned how to do things myself.

Remember, your mind isn’t always right. And the scarier part is, it’s not always best for you. Where you may find an issue, another will find a solution. Just because you think it, doesn’t mean you have to follow it. 

I had to remind myself of this. Because I begun to feel anxiety simply for asking. I started to feel shame too. Even after talking myself through it. The feeling lingered. 

There is no shame in asking for help. As a matter of fact all people who are leaders and seek to build for others must do so with the help of others. The strongest person can’t do it alone and will need help. 

Even the leaders of government. The ones we put in power to make our rules, all ask for donations. For money. For volunteering. For help. They ask for help with the promise that they will help you in return later.

No matter the title or the job description they are human. They are people. Just like me. Just like you. No better or worse. Just them. And if they can receive help for free with a promise, so can you. 

Why is that the people who do seem to do the least and worst seems to get the most help? While those like us, people who really care and need help, are usually stuck struggling. 

The squeaky wheels gets the grease. The one who make noise are the ones that get noticed. Help follows the same route. 

You see, I wasn’t taught to ask for help. It makes me feel inadequate. It makes me feel I didn’t do something right. Like everybody else seems to have it together but me. I give the help and encouragement but don’t always know how to ask for it back. 

Maybe you’ve had these thoughts or similar ones. And I’m here to tell you they are wrong. Just how I had to tell myself. 

_______________

Listen carefully, when you need help! ASK everybody. 

Ask anybody. Don’t overthink it. Don’t try to narrow it down to who you believe will say yes or who has it. 

Just because you think they will say yes doesn’t mean they have to. 

Just because they have the money, doesn’t mean you are entitled to it. 

Just because you’d rather not ask, doesn’t mean that people don’t want you to. 

Just because you weren’t taught, doesn’t mean you can’t learn. 

Just because it hurts now, doesn’t mean it will always burn. 

Your strength lies in your voice. You can paint pictures with your words. You can move people. & mountains. It can do anything. Think smaller and just focus on you. Don’t over complicate it. Use that same voice you use to laugh and talk to other for benefit and ask for some help.  

Don’t suffer because you are scared of the possible rejection. Or because of pride. 

Don’t suffer because you are worried about the perception of you. Stay focused and keep moving, don’t ever stop doing your work and damn it, ask for help when you need it. 

Hell,  I had to bite the bullet & untie myself from me insecurities. I ended up texting all of my friends and simply asked for some help.

 

Some said no

Others didn’t have it. I didn’t get in my feelings based on their answers. We all have lives and responsibilities. 

I had to stay focused and keep pushing until I got the help I needed.

Life is beautiful and we are meant to help each other. And after a few hours of waiting and asking.  I finally got the help I so desperately needed. And damn it ifelt good. 

It felt great to get help but even better to help myself overcome my perception of asking for help and be free. 

And that’s what I want for you today. For you to be happy and get the help you need. So you too can continue on and do what you want. So you too can fulfill your dreams. 

Whatever you need help with, I want you you to pause and think about. Become clear in the one thing you need. Then say  aloud, “ I’m not ashamed to ask for” and believe yourself.

Make sure you say it aloud.  Practice it. Gain strength in your voice and then ask for help. 

There are no guarantees to the answers you will receive but you will grow closer to what you seek. You will also be slowly changing your mind and how you operate. Taking some control from your autopilot Ed mind and putting it back in your hands!

I changed my ways of thinking, got over myself and got the help I needed 

 and so can you. 

I hope you find strength and joy in your day. I hope you slow down and stay focused on executing the work needed to get you  everything you want. I believe you can do more than you do now . As a matter of fact I know you can, you just may need to Ask for a little help! 

And believe it or not, you listening to me and thinking about you is helping you more than you know. It’s help me and you and I appreciate that. 

I appreciate you for listening and I appreciate your time.